I think I wasn't as precocious a kid as I thought of myself to be. Each time I'd attend a wedding and would have to attend the departure of a doli, I never could get myself to understand why the bride would weep miserably hugging and clutching and gnawing over her mother's shoulder. To be very honest I always thought it was because she was going to lose her long-saved virginity in sometime, given the Indians always have his bruhaha over how sex is the filthiest thing on earth and I just assumed that it was hard for the girl to finally let someone deflower her and that would probably be the sorrow she expressed while crying. Later I also imagined if it was because the bride was too skeptical about it being a very painful experience and that was why she held onto her mother begging her not to let go, just like a kid would right before a roller coaster ride. I later asked my own mother why girls would do that, to which she simply reasoned it's because the girl feels the loss of being given away, of losing her sense of belonging to a family she's identified herself with all her life. I thought she was lieing, it was too frail a reason juxtaposed to my absolutely brilliant propositions, whimsical maybe, reasonable nevertheless.
There's a reason I'm typing this out at 3 at night when I'm expected to wake up for training tomorrow at 7 in the morning. Back in bed, ten minutes back I couldn't help but wonder what life after these four years might be like. I've always made a big shit about the placement and the MBA and more shit, never worked towards it though, but made the end of college look like such a major climax to my life that it's never really occur ed to me of what might transpire post I'm actually in the real world amongst real people with real issues . God knows no matter much I try to pretend that I'm this ridiculously awesome human being who'd love to live an independent life, have his own apartment, have an absolutely brilliant love life and a great job, the truth is that months down the line I would find myself crying over phone lines to my parents and friends on how alone I am, and how badly I need a conventional life. It's just a series of mistakes that I need to commit, to realise, cry over and then set my life right without further wondering what might be out there.
The question still is, when I will have to finally move out from this home I've lived in for the last 2 decades of my life, with people who've given so much to me that now they've become such an integral part of me that I'll carry around everywhere that I go, will it be as easy as I wondered it to be? Will I like a grown up man pack my bags, sing a song, check out the party scene and start working towards the social circle that I always dreamt of in my twenties, or would I like a silly girl wrap my arms around my mother's neck and cry, scared and full of consternation of losing everything that I identify myself with?
These fours years never felt anything less than a sprint for a long jump, a hurdle, a dive, and I still wonder if I fall short would I be able to brush off the dust and run again, or would I just have to lie there, lost and defeated.

Important note : I refuse to wake up to msgs and offliners taking potshots at me for becoming a bride anymore. It's about the similar sense of loss yaar :D Stop being mean.